B for Bidet
I remember March 3rd vividly because it was the day our friend, Rick, invited us to Costco to prepare for an impending lockdown. Like most people, we didn’t really know how to shop for a pandemic. We shopped like there was a typhoon coming — the obligatory Spam and rice, lots of isopropyl alcohol, hand soap, and eggs. It didn’t occur to us to get more toilet paper. In fact, we were confused by the copious amounts of bathroom tissues that were piled in other carts, and were clearly absent in ours. It wasn’t until news of the toilet paper shortage, that we realized American bathroom hygiene is dismally outdated. The practice of washing one’s butt with soap and water has yet to permeate American lavatory culture. In short, Americans have dirty butts. Seriously people, if you touched poop in your hands, would you just wipe it with a tissue and move on? Why would treat your bum like that?
Mateo and Bidet. ABC(orona) ©Lowy+Lacar, 2020
***No toilet paper was harmed or wasted in the making of the above photograph***
So today we’re taking blog space to talk about poop. It shouldn’t be a taboo. Everyone Poops. Thus, we should all learn how to clean poop more efficiently. The Japanese are certainly light years ahead in bidet technology, I grew up with a tabo, also known as a lota in western Asia. Though the French may have invented the bidet, we (tabo and lota users) have been pouring water down our butt cracks for generations.
How does one transition from TP to bidet? We have answers. We have answers because we’ve had to teach our boys how to use the bidet and also a tabo when they were in the Philippines. We have answers because I once had to go into a detailed, step-by-step instructional with a couple of friends on how to use their left hand and a recyclable take-out container. You can watch the video below for a quick run through. Unlike what’s shown in this video, it is important to note that one should NOT stick one’s hand up in there without splashing water through ones cheeks a few times. That’s just an unnecessary mess. Also, add soap.
Here’s the thing, we don’t think our kids are compatible with the tabo only because:
They’re nasty, and they can’t even pee straight into the toilet,
We’re privileged enough to have options.
For adults out there who don’t really want to wait on the backorder of deliveries, you can switch to the tabo today! Just use any kind of plastic cup. If this post has convinced you to transition to a cleaner bum and upgrade, you’ve got plenty of options. You don’t have to gut your bathroom, you can just buy a bidet attachment. Just make sure to match your toilet shape with the bidet shape. We like the Tushy for the budget conscious, or the Toto Washlet for the spoiled. Stay away from the handheld sprayers if you have little ones. We caught the boys showering with a hand-held bidet one time. They thought it was the baby shower.
However, if you find yourself sans TP, watch the video above for a detailed and graphic tutorial on how to use the tabo. NSFW.
